Jen Butler

You stress about money, time, business, staff and patients. You ask all the ‘why’ questions like, “Why don’t I make more?” or “Why can’t they just do what they say they will?” or even “Why can’t we be happy?”

The reason can lie within these 10 toxic behaviors that hold you back, keep you stressed and stop you from living your dream life.

A victim attitude keeps you stuck, believing there’s no choice, and seeing your life trajectory as irrevocable. You see others as better than you and feel that your power or influence to make change is limited. This “I can’t” attitude limits out-of-the-box thinking and your ability to find creative solutions, so your situation doesn’t change even though you’ve “tried”.

Trending article: How to grow your dental practice in the changing dental landscape

A black or white filter is created when your versatility to tap into other ways of thinking is low. It taints your worldview, the lens by which you interpret what you see, hear and take in from every situation. Often a single detail is focused on and all other elements, regardless of their validity and truth, are dismissed because they don’t fit through your lens and support your worldview. You become a prisoner in your practice and life by your own way of thinking.

Trending series: Client vs. patient: Who's more important?

Dentistry and perfectionism seem to go hand-in-hand. Since dentists and hygienists have been trained to do perfect work, they transfer that mentality into thinking they must be perfect people. Chasing the idea of perfect, whether you measure it in margins, pounds, dollars, cars or offices, is the permanent act of self-defeatism.

Comparing yourself to others is an easy way to feed your fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of change, fear of being found out are all validated by looking at someone else that has more, done more, achieved more or brags more. You measure what you have and what you don’t against others’ materialistic possessions. You make declarations of what you can do and what you can’t based on what they have and you don’t. You stay safely in your comfort zone not having to take risks.

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When you point the finger at external people and things as reason for your lack of achievement or success, that’s playing the blame game. The three common areas blamed are:

Environment: Not enough equipment, old technology, practicing in a small town or in a large city, insurance companies

People: Team members, patients, lab techs, vendors, family or colleagues

Process/Systems: Front office doesn’t talk to back office, no consistency in tracking numbers, lack of job descriptions.

By playing this blame game you sabotage your solution choices by removing yourself out of each equation and focus on resolutions you have no control over.

Defending yourself to others is a reflection of your level of acceptance of who you are and how you do things. It goes as a way to measure your level of self-confidence and esteem. Taking things personally shows others your resistance to growth, change and openness to new things. Becoming defensive and shutting down the opportunity to hear how you show up in the world opens a door so others can witness your internal running dialogue around what you tell yourself.

Sticky situations: How to handle team members who have verbal confrontations

The difference between reacting and responding is directly proportionate to your ability to have self-control. Reacting is having the impulsivity and quick emotional burst to move through a situation without forethought, curiosity or strategy. Responding is the act of moving forward with intention, thoughtfulness and knowledge while engaging others for productive resolutions. Your outcomes, creativity and problem solving are all impacted by how/when/if you react or respond. Without self-control, there is only one way to be: Reactionary.

Being judgmental is the act of going through your day categorizing people, things and situations into boxes labeled good/bad, right/wrong, worthy/unworthy. Using judgmental qualifiers limits the way you interpret and view the world around you. It also keeps you thinking small and living smaller because of the series of litmus tests you instinctively put everything through. The more you close off, the less you experience and, ultimately, the more insignificantly you live.

Trending article: Communication in the dental practice? It's overrated, right?

It’s easier to believe others’ truths than your own. You avoid having to be curious, ask questions or come to your own conclusions when you accept what other people say as truth. Gossip, misunderstandings, miscommunication, bullying and confrontation are all direct results of accepting others’ truth without the use of discernment. This behavior is clearly identifiable in youth: “Sally told me that Roger told her that McKenna said she doesn’t like me anymore!”  As adults, the behavior is cloaked with maturity so there is more of a tendency to believe without question.

4 reasons to collaborate more in your dental practice

Avoiding collaboration with colleagues, team members, coaches, consultants, CPAs and other professional partners keeps you thinking small, so it keeps your practice small and stress levels high. Dentists are independent by nature, which is what has gotten them through 20+ years of education, exam after exam and boards after boards. In reality, the business of dentistry is way too big for them to think they can do it all on their own and do it stress-free.

You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. If you find yourself doing any of these behaviors, stay tuned for the next installment: From Toxic to Untethered.

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10 toxic behaviors found in your daily life

In part four of this "client vs. patient" series, we explore the importance of catering to both patients and clients when it comes to the new patient appointment. You can view the entire series 

You want new patients. You take courses, workshops, read forum threads and even hire “experts” on how to market to patients, get them in the door, connect with them, get them to say “yes” and have them return, time and time again. There’s a falsely held truth in dentistry that success relies solely on new patients and how much treatment dentists can diagnose. This is far from the whole story.

There is another target market that plays a critical part in the success, diversity and longevity of a practice. These are the clients. Clients are the decision makers. They decide if a patient moves forward with treatment, which level of service a patient will tolerate, if the cost to value ratio is acceptable and often drives the patient’s emotional response throughout the process. Often these important individuals are called guardians, parents or spouses. Don’t be fooled by those titles. These people are clients and must be catered to in marketing, technology, practice management, team development and office environment with equal amounts of thought and energy as a patient.

Related reading: Client vs. patient: Who's more important? (Part 1: Marketing)

The new patient appointment is where patients and clients get their first real experience with the team and practitioner. How the team and doctor interact, communicate and connect with both patient and client will ultimately determine if a patient accepts any kind of treatment â or a client becomes willing to pay for it.

 Since patients will be the ones physically touched and manipulated by the doctor and team, they are looking for more of a personal approach. Creating the personal connection with patients entails the following:

 Rounded shoulders, soft eyes, hands placed in lap, lots of head nodding and smiling

 Height slightly below patient level, front facing for eye contact

 Open-ended questions, ask-assertive, empathetic tone

 Comforting hand on shoulder, back patting

  Patients’ main thoughts and concerns are results oriented. They want to make sure that when treatment is complete they will have ideal results. Be sure to use a variety of means such as previous patient pictures, Photoshop, impressions, intra-oral photos, etc. to talk about and share anticipated results.

Related reading: Client vs. patient: Who's more important? (Part 2: Tehnology)

  Clients are looking for the team to be professional more than personal. It’s important that the education and experience of each team member is easily observable by the behaviors the team exhibits. Professionalism can be demonstrated through:

 Square shoulders, direct and confident eye contact, hands at side, neutral/relaxed face

 Direct open or closed questions, tell-assertive, confident tone

Client vs. patient: Who's more important? (Part 3: Reception area)

  To comfort most clients’ worries, tell them about processes and systems upfront. Knowing they can rely on a strong foundation that moves them through the experience diminishes the amount of guessing, questioning and mental work the client has to do. Clients don’t want to have to think during the extent of the treatment; that’s what they are paying the team to do.

This article is part one of a five-part series. Next: 

Part 5: Client vs. patient: Regular/recare appointments

Editor's Note: Jen Butler, M.Ed., has been working in the area of stress management and resiliency coaching for over 20 years. For more information on how to stressLESS, 

, take a stressLESS Intensiveâ¢ course, and connect with other like-minded, dental professionals while learning how to reduce and manage stress by 

joining a stressLESS Mastermind Allianceâ¢ TODAY!

Client vs. patient: Who's more important? (Part 4: New patient appointment)

In part three of this "client vs. patient" series, we explore the importance of catering to both patients and clients when it comes to the design and offerings of your reception area. You can view the entire series 

The reception area/lobby is going to be an important factor for patients and clients when deciding to embark on becoming a loyal consumer. The design, layout, style, comfort and informative elements tell a story to every patient and client about the potential for  their upcoming experience and level of treatment they might receive. They are actively looking for evidence that confirms their hopes while also noticing those things that solidify their fears. Patients and clients look for different elements in a lobby that meets their needs and soothes any pains they might be feeling. It’s easy to impress both groups with some intentional design.

Trending article: Communiation in the dental practice? It's overrated, right?

 Display pictures of your current patient base. Patients find it comforting to know others they trust picked the office too. Include a photo collage of your team having fun in the community, with each other, and doing things they love. Makes for great talking points in the back office.

 Patients want to have their questions answered and they often find it embarrassing or intimidating to ask the doctor. Have a resource center that provides relevant information for all types of patient questions, situations and concerns.

  A practice is typically filled with kids, patients and family members. Having a kid-friendly area with books, computers, games, music and toys will entertain patients and give clients a breather.

 Clients make appointments around school and work obligations. This typically means early morning, lunch or dinner times are interrupted or completely missed. Offer beverages and snacks during those mealtime appointments or have a ‘feel free to feed’ policy for clients and encourage them to bring their own snacks.

  Make it convenient for clients to be delayed or leave work by having a work station for them. Giving them space to continue fulfilling their daily obligations will make it easier for them to keep all appointments.

 Often when an office is being designed, practitioners go for cost effectiveness, modern looks or color rather than comfort of furniture (seriously, have you sat in those egg-shaped chairs?). Yet, when was the last time a team member sat in a lobby chair for more than five minutes?  When clients are comfortable, they are not only willing to return happily to the office, they don’t notice how long they are there (time distractor!). Live plants, sofas, sunlight, soft indoor lighting and family-friendly music all go a long way.

Trending article: How to grow your practice in the changing dental landscape

Part 4: Client vs. patient: New patient appointments

There is another target market that plays a critical part in the success, diversity and longevity of a practice. These are the 

Clients are the decision makers. They decide if a patient moves forward with treatment, which level of service a patient will tolerate, if the cost to value ratio is acceptable and often drives the patient’s emotional response throughout the process. Often these important individuals are called guardians, parents or spouses. Don’t be fooled by those titles. These people are clients and must be catered to in marketing, technology, practice management, team development and office environment with equal amounts of thought and energy as a patient.

Trending article: Communication in the dental practice ... Ignore patients at your own risk

Marketing is all about creating awareness of who you are and what you do. You want to generate buzz around your product and service so that people consistently seek you out. Effective marketing talks to a person’s pain and clearly draws them a picture of how you and your practice provide them their only solutions. Patients and clients have different pains, so marketing must be diverse enough to cover the critical basis for each group.

 Patients will want to see before/after pictures and have some visualization of what their results might be, regardless of how simple a procedure might be to you. Helping them imagine what their new smile will bring them âconfidence, that perfect job, new friends â makes for same-day-dentistry.

 Our brains are wired for assimilation. Leverage this psychology by creating a marketing message that highlights the regularity of seeing the dentist. Use the demographics of your community to paint the picture that it’s normal for members to visit the dentist, and make it clear that their friends, colleagues, counterparts all see the dentist. Show them how to become part of the crowd.

 Patients are concerned about having to change their lifestyle for any length of time. Committing to injections, parlay of eating, Invisalign, night guards or any type of appliance can be scary. Marketing that talks about the simplicity and ease of care while maintaining normalcy is key for patients.

 Where patients want to know about the end result, clients are more curious about who will be the driving force behind getting the patient to the end result. Marketing to clients includes specific information about the team qualifications, certifications and experience. Clients need to trust the team they are about to enter an agreement with and it starts with bios.

 Clients are looking for peace of mind when it comes to products. They want to know that they won’t be spending additional time and money replacing or repairing lower-quality material. Everyone making a buying decision wants to feel confident that the product they get is worth the value they pay.

 Both client and patient are concerned about the changes brought on by any dental procedure or service. The patient is concerned about changes in lifestyle, while the client is mostly concerned about changes in daily life management. Effective marketing to the client includes information around locations, office times, staff availability, after-hours options, weekend calls, emergency contacts and so on. Make treatment easy to add to their plate and clients will say yes to treatment.

Trending article: The 7 most annoying things for a patient about your dental practice's waiting room

This article is part one of a five-part series. 

Editor's Note: Jen Butler, M.Ed., has been working in the area of stress management and resiliency coaching for over 20 years. For more information on how to stressLESS, 

, take a stressLESS Intensiveâ¢ course, and connect with other like-minded, dental professionals while learning how to reduce and manage stress by 

joining a stressLESS Mastermind Allianceâ¢ TODAY! 